i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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