I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
