I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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