areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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