ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
