I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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