i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
