Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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