From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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