I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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