yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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