It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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