Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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