thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
