I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
