the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
