Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
