Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The convent might be a nice break from real life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
