he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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