Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
