): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the day after is always just damage control
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Panties = found
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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