You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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