i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
