I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
