fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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