Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
