It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
