i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
