my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
