If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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