After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
