i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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