yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
