he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
