Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
