She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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