haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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