Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
