so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
