dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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