The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
