I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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