He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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