Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
