Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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