I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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