just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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