I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
