I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
