My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
