Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
