I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
